To the moon and back
by Loveforthestory
Summary: "..but also a young woman who chooses her own path. Because she had to. And Rachel heard the voice deep inside her again. Because of you. You left her. You choose something and someone else over her. The deepest sin a mother can carry within her mother's heart. You left her. Not because you had to. But because you wanted to. "


**My dear readers, hello to all of you! This piece will be about honesty and love and real struggling family relationships. And a very hard emotional moment in the middle of a forest. There will be a character death, so this is a warning ahead if you feel that is too much. There also will be family and love. With all my love and gratitude for all you wonderful readers all over the world, Love from Love**

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To the moon and back.

She looked up at Miles from her place on the forest ground of moss and leaves. His large familiar warm hands around her head. Steadying her. She has not missed the nod coming from Gene that told Miles and Charlie no just seconds ago. She already knew.

It had been another day on the road. Until there had been an ambush. And there had been another fight to fight. Rachel had watched her daughter with crossbow in hand. Strong in every meaning of the word, the kind of strength that worries you as a mother but still fills your heart with pride for so much uncompromised love. Her little girl.

But also a young woman who chooses her own path. Because she had to. And Rachel heard the voice deep inside her again. Because of you. You left her. You choose something and someone else over her. The deepest sin a mother can carry within her mother's heart. You left her. Not because you had to. But because you wanted to.

They had been fighting. Rachel had watched Charlie. She had seen Miles from the corner of her eyes, his two blades flying through the air with deadly precision. Monroe and Connor fighting another group of kaki. And then, it had happened.

In a flash three men had cornered Charlie and Miles was too far as Rachel watched him realizing exactly what was happing because of the more urgent deadly wave of his swords. Rachel had felt a primal scream from within her mother's heart when two of the men had started to drag Charlie away. She had watched Charlie fight with every strength and skill she had, fighting back, defending herself.

Rachel had killed one men on her right with a knife through his heart. The need to get to her daughter running through her veins. Now. Fear cold inside of her. She was not going to fail Charlie again. She had screamed again. Charlie's name this time.

Miles and Bass had killed the first two of three men in kaki who had dared to touch Charlie. Which left the third who had gotten a knife out, firmly in his hand now. Rachel watched the bitter steel blade on her way to her daughters side. And Rachel had just acted. There had been no thinking. Just feeling. Knowing she would never want to fail Charlie again. .

When the forest ground had filled with kaki and there was eerily silence in the forest air, Rachel had just looked at her daughter with a small gasp. Looking at Charlie and Charlie alone. Charlie had looked at her, breathing harshly until Rachel had felt it. The dull nothingness turning into burning flames of pain. Both Charlie and Rachel eyes had gone to the place where the knife had been placed in her side.

Miles had been with her in seconds, catching her before she went down herself. Charlie reaching out for her. Connor stunned, Gene rushing over. Bass had seen it happen, two more kaki assholes had made it impossible for him to reach Charlie faster. He had sliced through them with rage through his veins.

He had watched how Rachel threw herself in front of Charlie and the knife on its way to Charlie's back to end her life. With the exact same intensity Rachel had put herself between him and his men, ending on the ground with a grenade in her damn hands in his tent in Colorado. Only this time to not give up her life for hating him and wanting him dead.

Rachel Matheson had finally seen what was more important Love for her daughter over hate for everything and everyone that she had wanted to hate. Bass had watched in shock how Charlie watched Rachel go down. He had no choice but following Charlie's eyes, the blood already rushing from Rachel's side. The only thing there had been left to do, was watch what the hell was happening right in front of him, as he watched Charlie's heart and fast hands as she had gotten out her jacket to place under Rachel's head.

Standing next to Connor and watch how Charlie and Miles were kneeling down next to Rachel on the forest floor.

When the attack had been over, it was too silent. Charlie had gotten out of her jacket while she kneeled down next to her mom. She had placed it under Rachel's head. Now she could only look at her mom. Miles had kneeled next to Rachel's head with eyes filled with panic while Charlie held her mom the best she could. Gene had looked at the wound while Charlie tried to hold the pressure on her mother's stab wound.

'Mom, mom...' Charlie's voice was stern but also filled with panic and dread. 'Mom, stay with me, we are going to get you through this, all right?'

Flashes of loosing Maggie and her dad and Danny and Nora bombarding her heart and mind.

Rachel looked at the night sky that felt strangely comforting and felt her daughter close. Her girl. Her baby. She heard Miles. 'Stay with me Rach...come on...don't do this.'

Rachel felt her whole life compressed around her. The good she had tried to be, the hurt she did to this world. If there was one day she could live again, one day she could do over in this blackout world, it would be the day she had walked away from her children, from Charlie. It would be also be the day she had made a catastrophic decision with Ben when this world had been whole. A decision made for Danny, but another child had been there too to live with the consequences of her mother's heart's decisions.

Two days, two moments. She felt time compress and how it had formed her into the woman she was. Growing up in Texas. The woman she became after college. The day she met Ben. The day she met Miles. The mother she became to her children. The mother she should have been. To Charlie. Her little girl. She remembered how she had smelled the day she had been born. Warm, baby. Home. Her joy. And now, time had brought her here.

'Mom, come on..' Charlie cried but smiled faintly at Rachel, like she once had smiled at Maggie, wanting to let her know she was not alone.

A final attempt to make her stay. Wanting to let her mother know, she was here. Even after all the heartbreak and the fighting with her mom, the screaming matches, the being tired of her mom's bullshit and her mom looking the other way when she should have been looking at her. Even after all Charlie felt in a wave of doubt and hurt and being left alone on a forest path and her mom not understanding, Charlie needed her to know. Because that was how her heart was put together.

'You can beat this...if there is anyone who can, it is you.' Charlie tried with stubborn force and determination in her voice.

Miles felt Charlie's words rip right through him. He was breathing harshly. Bass looked from Rachel to Charlie. He felt tears in his fucking eyes, tears he was not able to hold back. He heard Connor cry next to him and reached out a hand and arm to place it around his son's shoulders as his kid watched Charlie and her raw love she was still able to give to Rachel, no matter what had happened.

He knew Connor felt Charlie's loyalty and ability to love trough his damn bones, because he felt it too. No matter what Rachel choose to be and do to her as a mother. Charlie loved. Hard. Bass held his kid. Connor did not push him away.

Rachel had to push herself with all the stubborn will she had inside of her. She reached out her hand, and found Charlie's hand. She laced her fingers with Charlie. Fingers she knew by heart because she had kissed them over and over again, the day Charlie was born. Soft baby fingers under her lips. She locked eyes with her. Charlie looked at her mom, she found the look in her eyes. And she just knew. Knew they were not saving her life anymore. They were saying goodbye.

Rachel looked at Charlie. She swallowed. And then, she looked at Bass, a little behind Miles and Charlie, next to his own son. A son he had told her about once in the Tower. She looked at Miles. . She used to be friends with Bass. She used to be in love with Miles. She still held love in her heart for Miles. She felt the irony of time spinning and standing still again. But everything was different. This time, she would leave Charlie. Again. And this time, she knew wanting to stay was not enough.

But she would leave her with them. She had left her children and walked onto the path of sin of a mother leaving her child behind, and towards them and all the madness in Philly.

She would leave her child again, not because she wanted to but because she had to let go.

Rachel looked at Miles. One more time, to soak him in. Miles was crying, she just smiled at him. She watched how Bass was there silently and unconditionally for his brother, for his friend. For her daughter. She had seen it already, his raw strong care for Charlie. She had hated it, had felt jealousy for it. But now, she felt a strange relieve of now matter mat, she knew Bass would take care of Charlie and Miles.

Bass nodded at Rachel. Rachel nodded back and she realized something. These last moment had to be about love and family, not about hate or anything else. She realized that this time, she needed to be more, for Charlie.

She would leave her child, her baby girl, her little girl, her strong daughter and the woman who she became in her absence with those two men now. Knowing she was safe. She knew Charlie was safe with him. With them both.

It had ripped her apart from the inside, that bond her daughter had forged with Bass. Unable to understand the wideness of her daughters heart to forgive and fight with him. Jealousy. Frustration. More hate for Bass for not understanding. But there was also love and pride for a daughter who became so much more than she had ever been herself.

Forgiving, honest, a fighter. The strength laced in love she had inherited from her grandma Charlotte. Rachel smiled at remembering her own mother, so clear with her now, now the line between life and what was beyond that was so clear and close.

Any sin can be forgiven, for a price. And today, it was the cruel price of leaving her daughter here, alone. Again. The price there so Charlie could live. It was all she had left. And she had given it to her, to Charlie. With love, and without doubt.

Rachel looked at Bass. 'Take care of her,' Her voice sounded strong, even when her body was already shutting down. She waited until Bass nodded to her. She knew he would. Miles was his family, but Charlie too. And Rachel knew, she had seen it decades ago, how much Bass loved. How he had been able then, to love and care for his family. And Rachel saw something in his eyes again. The same warmth that lay there when she had moved Charlie into his young arms, three weeks after she was born and he came to visit her and Ben with Miles. She made her last moment with Bass about family, because Charlie's strength took her above her own hate.

That reminded her of the man he was. And she knew, Charlie would be all right. Miles would be all right. Bass would not leave them.

Then she turned to Miles, who's eyes were filled with so many tears she could feel them on her arm.

'Take care of her, Miles. I know you will. Love her, protect her...I know...' she took a deep breath for strength, 'I know you will.'

Miles chocked in his tears and a low sound escaped his neck that made Charlie reach out for him with a desperate feel in her heart, she grabbed his arm with one hand, trembling herself, needing to reach for Miles, grabbing his shirt.

'Rach...' Miles breathed out. God, he felt like an idiot. No fucking idea what to tell her, the one thing left between them was love.

'I love you...' Rachel moved a hand to his arm and Miles pressed his mouth over hers. He knew there was not much time left and he wanted to give Charlie every piece of them that was there that Rachel could give to her.

He kissed her face, her temple, his mouth close to her ear, only for her to hear. 'I love you Rach, I love you...Charlie is safe with me...' his words were whispers with the weight of goodbye in them. He watched Rachel, her smiling at him. A warm smile, a smile he remembered from when things and time and Rachel were so much different. 'You go to Danny, to Ben...let me take care of Charlie. I love you..'

Rachel closed her eyes at so much love from one man she loved so much. She looked up at Miles one more time, locking eyes, soaking him in. Then she turned to Charlie, close to her, sitting next to her.

'Sweetheart, listen to me..' Rachel said with a clear voice. 'I love you. I love you so so much.'

Charlie grabbed her mother's hand. Looking at her and only her. Tears were streaming from her face.

'I love you too mom,' she tried to be brave for her, but Charlie's sobs moved through her whole chest now as her whole body trembled, as Miles moved his arm around her. She felt another hand, and she knew it was Bass' hand, large and strong and warm on her back, burning through her leather jacket and steadying her. She felt another hand. Connor's. A shield of men around her, taking care of her, steadying her.

Rachel smiled through her tears as she watched her beautiful baby girl.

'Oh my baby girl...you are so strong. So strong. And beautiful.' She looked at her daughters eyes, who softened with her words.

'I am so, so proud of you.' She looked at Charlie. Love in each and every of her words. There they were, the words of gentleness Rachel had never been able to find to say with her heart open and wide.

'Mom...' Charlie's voice broke, tears flowing now, her voice filled with knowing you have to say goodbye but there is no telling how you will let go.

Rachel held on long enough to make sure Charlie got each and every word. She felt Miles hand close. She felt the love there. Miles's love. And then the one her mother heart told her she did not deserve, not after what she did to her, to this world. But Charlie gave it anyway. Love.

'I love you, to the moon...and back.'

And with her daughters hand in hers, she held on to Charlie before she finally let go.

Any sin can be forgiven. For a price. And that day, under the covers of the trees in a clearing the forest, Rachel Matheson gave her life. For Charlie. With her daughters hand in hers, their fingers intertwined when she had to let go. A mother and her daughter. Telling her until her last breathe, she loved her daughter. Love. It was all there was, there in the end for her. For them. Not hate, not doubt, not guilt, not shame. Love.

To the moon and back.

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 **Author's Note This prompt was one of the hardest stories I have ever written for me personally. I have never written a character death like this , but I still wanted to try, just for this once. I wanted to fill the story with love and family. Knowing and realizing too how very hard the relationship between Rachel and Charlie was on the show and it is written into this piece. It was about Rachel realizing her love for Charlie. A Rachel who could finally see and put into words how much love there was from Charlie when she fully realized what her actions cost and did to Charlie. The prompt for this piece is #172, any sin can be forgiven, for a price. Thank you so much for reading, Love from Love**


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